The Twelve Steps of Cheetos

Twelve Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over Cheetos—that our lives had become covered in a sticky bright orange dust.

2. Came to believe that a food greater than Cheetos could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Frito Lay as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless nutritional analysis of ourselves.

5. Admitted to our Grocer, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our love handles.

6. Were entirely ready to have a healthy food remove all these bulges of flab.

7. Humbly asked the healthy food to remove our thunder thighs.

8. Made a list of all persons we had tainted with our orange stained hands, and became willing to buy new pants for them all.

9. Gave redi-wipes to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to avoid the snack aisle and when we lusted after a junk food promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Frito Lay as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of Frito Lay’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a physical awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Tags: 12 Steps, Cheetos, Health, Healthy Eating, Junk Food