Heisenberg May Have Died on This Date…

…in 1976, but I can’t be certain.

Blood pressure 182/112

This sucks. I was feeling bad today and took my f-in BP. Doc says I gotta go to the e-room if my lower number gets over 120. This totally sucks. Isn’t this what the f-in meds I pay $400/mo are for?

Your One Sentence Obituary

I was reading this interesting post and it got me thinking: If at the end of my life someone who knew me well had to write a one sentence summary of who I was, what would they write?

It’s a cool question to ponder.

I want to be a great husband, father, grandfather (hopefully soon–get busy boys), and friend. While I would be happy to cure cancer, climb Mount Everest or run a 4 minute mile, I lack the motivation to pursue any of those great things.

Is that enough? Is it enough to love your family and friends deeply and well?

It just might be.

So here’s what I would like my obit to say:

“Kevin was well known for his loving heart toward his family and friends.”

I could do worse.

Now I just have to go about making a life to match that obit.

It would be cool if you shared what you would want your one sentence obituary to say. Comment below.

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Art here.

Update on Cheetos Addiction

After my 12 Steps of Cheetos post Krislinatin sent me this via email:

Found here.

Never Ask the Donner Party to Help You Move

I have been incognito internet wise the last week or so as I completed a move from the 3,000 sq ft house we had lived in for the last 6 years to a 1,000 sq ft condo. We moved on two of the coldest days on record with wind chills in single digits.

I had wisely arranged for us to take possession of the new property by December 29 while we had until January 2nd to get out of the old place.

I had unwisely told the electric company to leave my electric on at the old place until January 2nd, so they promptly cut off the electric at 8am, leaving us another 14 hours of moving with neither light nor heat.

It was a joy.

Fortunately we are now mostly moved in to our new place–lots to unpack, but we’re here. The washer and dryer are hooked up, the cable and cable modem are wired and functioning and all is well with the world.

Here are some things I learned while moving this time I will pass along for your enjoyment:

• You can never have enough beer after the move
• Your true friends help you move without being asked (but then you owe them beer)
• The Assorted Muscular Young Men(tm) who have been watching your wide screen TV and drinking your beer since graduation are required by law to help you move
• Their girlfriends are NOT a help. They are a distraction and must be removed immediately if any work is to get done
• When you are 44 and have a marine near by allow him to help move the piano
• You will break at least one thing of value during your move
• Someone you are already frustrated with will do the breaking and it will be after you warned them about breaking the very item they broke
• Your washing machine will leak the first time you run it after a move, even if you changed all the washers in the hoses
• Every cable outlet in your new home will be on the wall exactly opposite where you want to locate your television or computer

Have more? Add them below.

The Twelve Steps of Cheetos

Twelve Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over Cheetos—that our lives had become covered in a sticky bright orange dust.

2. Came to believe that a food greater than Cheetos could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Frito Lay as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless nutritional analysis of ourselves.

5. Admitted to our Grocer, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our love handles.

6. Were entirely ready to have a healthy food remove all these bulges of flab.

7. Humbly asked the healthy food to remove our thunder thighs.

8. Made a list of all persons we had tainted with our orange stained hands, and became willing to buy new pants for them all.

9. Gave redi-wipes to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to avoid the snack aisle and when we lusted after a junk food promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Frito Lay as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of Frito Lay’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a physical awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

8 Facts about me – 7 of them are TRUE, so is the other 1

OK, I lied. No, not really. I misled.

Yesterday I wrote a post that implied one of 8 facts about me was false. It never said one was false, but it implied it.

Turns out all 8 were true. Dame Wiggins of Lee was the only one who got it right. (I think she cheated.)

Here’s the inside story behind each of the eight true facts:

1. I was in an episode of McHale’s Navy.

My uncle moved to California when I was a kid and worked at Universal Studios where McHale’s Navy was filmed. While we were visiting he got me in a background shot of a crowd. I was 7 or 8 at the time. I had to hold hands with a girl next to me. Ewwwww….cooties.

2. I snuck in past the Secret Service to meet Ronald Reagan.

He was in Cincinnati running for re-election. I had to be there (downtown) to conduct some business–I had no idea he was there. When I saw a huge crowd in Fountain Square I snuck around the barricades and metal detectors trying to see what was up. Turns out I ended up in the front of the crowd and got to shake Reagan’s hand. (It was more like he touched me, but you get it.)

3. I had a band that performed concerts for people as far away as China.

Our worship band did an international worship conference for Vineyard Music in Kentucky where attendees came from all over the world, the farthest being a group from China.

4. I exploded.

Trying to light a bonfire I created a gasoline explosion and blew myself up. In the fraction of a second as I saw the fireball about to engulf me my life didn’t flash before my eyes. Instead I thought “I just killed myself. That was stupid.”

5. I won a Gazelle exercise machine in a national contest run by a nationally known food chain that they rigged so I would win.

I won’t mention the national chain, but if you have read enough of my posts you probably can figure it out. My redhead and I were regulars at the local franchise and knew all the waitresses as well as the manager. “Somehow” we won the contest. Funny co-incidence? A waitress confessed to us a year later they rigged the contest.

6. I went to High School with Cam Cameron, head coach of the Miami Dolphins.

True. South Vigo High School.

7. I have regularly taught classes in Australia, Great Britain, France, Brazil, Italy and New Zealand, but I have only been to one foreign country—and it’s not on the list.

I taught them online so my students came from a number of countries even though I never left the US. The only other country I have set foot in is Canada.

8. My redhead and I got stopped by the police on the way to the hospital to deliver our first son.

He thought we were driving erratically. We were.

Now you know the truth.

8 Facts about me – 7 of them are TRUE

Dame Wiggins of Lee has tagged me asking me to participate in this meme. She claimed I would say something witty, but since I am all out of wit today I am trying something else.

Here are the rules.

Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

Here are EIGHT Facts about me:

1. I was in an episode of McHale’s Navy.
2. I snuck in past the Secret Service to meet Ronald Reagan.
3. I had a band that performed concerts for people as far away as China.
4. I exploded.
5. I won a Gazelle exercise machine in a national contest run by a nationally known food chain that they rigged so I would win.
6. I went to High School with Cam Cameron, head coach of the Miami Dolphins.
7. I have regularly taught classes in Australia, Great Britain, France, Brazil, Italy and New Zealand, but I have only been to one foreign country—and it’s not on the list.
8. My redhead and I got stopped by the police on the way to the hospital to deliver our first son.

What do you think? Can you spot one of these that is false? Answers tomorrow.

Tags to:

Kristlinatin – Because she has a beautiful rectitude.
Total Tranny – because he’s the most attractive tranny I know.
Amused Muse – because she is a fearless defender of truth.
Pastor of Disaster – Because I have been praying for him to link to me.
Andrea – Because her made up life is better than any real life anyone else has–especially in 3-D.

Just for 24 Fans

I swore I would never post anything I found at icanhascheezburger.com, but as a writer and a 24 fan I had to post this.

Thank You Friends

On the occasion of the US Thanksgiving I wanted to say thank you for being my friends over the previous 11 months I’ve had this blog.

I started to call you “readers,” but many of you are far more than readers. Your friendship has been shown in the encouragement, the pithy comments, the laughter and the occasional (or more) personal email.

Many times your words were exactly what I needed that day/week/month to get me through.

Blogging is therapy, practice, art, recreation and self-improvement. You have and continue to make that a joy.

Thank you for being my friends.

Kevin Scott

Art: PastDeadline.com